girl at large

Inauguration Hot Take

The monochromatic outfits we all loved have to be inspired by The Crown, don’t make fun of the Queen ever again.

Men need better dress up clothes. Get some interesting coats dudes.

Bernie is in front of me at the post office every time. Every event needs a mascot.

I didn’t know it was Gaga because I had on only audio at that moment, I thought it sounded weird. I am clearly not musical.

The whole of my creative life will not add up to one tenth the impact of one line of Amanda Gorman’s poem.

I was on the Ohio turnpike (excellent waysides!) when I heard the American Carnage speech; I’ll always remember the camaraderie with other carloads of women’s marchers headed to DC as we listened.

I was not ready to love Garth, but there it is, I do.

I really really want a hard copy of this week’s Scholastic.

The leadership of one person does make a difference. The integrity and dedication of a team of many competent people makes a difference.

We have a lot of work yet to do. 

There Will Be A Buddy Movie

I can’t tell you how much it means to see these two together. It’s been a hard hard year, this kiddo needed this buddy so bad.

It’s a daily joy to watch Viv be responsible and empathetic, learning how to take care of a living thing. My favorite moments are when he’s worried that Stevie isn’t warm and comfortable at all times. Viv’s favorite hoodie is frequently found gently placed on Stevies snoozing back. For my reflective and reserved child, who misses classmates and playgrounds, running errands and seeing grandparents, this little friend has woken something up that has been so dimmed. 

Also he would probably ditch the cat in a hot second if it meant more time on the Nintendo Switch but whatevs.

Christmas Chemo

The timing of the fourth round of chemo, just a few days before Christmas, sucked. I was the sickest during the height of home bound festivities. Chemo day itself is not hard. After chemo is hard. Like the unexpected (and rarely talked about) challenges after childbirth, the after affects of chemo are less known, wildly varied, and involve a lot of fluids.  

I’d been overdoing it for the holiday for weeks; keeping busy keeps my mind off the illness. Making good things happen for the kids keeps the darker thoughts at bay. Sometimes, in the early morning when I was moving that damn Elf, despite my efforts to suppress them, my thoughts turned to cancer and not wrapping paper. 

 

Why are there so many types of diarrhea?

Is this what my bare head felt like when I was a newborn?

Just how many red blood cells does a person need?

Why do I crave a pineapple upside down cake?

Why did no one tell me about the bloody noses?

Someone needs to make nice plastic flatware.

Contacts, contact + readers, glasses, glasses then readers, back to contacts. Will I ever see right again? 

My fingertips are numb. Or are they just cold? 

I really didn’t ever need to see my fupa in that bald condition.

Why does it take all my energy to text someone back?

If I just stop going to chemo and pretend this never happened, what then? (Being mortally ill without ever feeling sick is very very strange)

I really don’t want to draw my eyebrows in again today.

How many more Christmases do we get?

Ok, time to think about something else and pack the ornaments and tears away. Goodbye Elf. It’s been fun, but it’s over. It’s not you, it’s me.