girl at large

Second Thoughts

Seriously second guessing the scheduled carpet installation. The painted steps, in stripes of five different colors over nine decades, are simultaneously modern and nostalgic. As am I.

Taking votes!

VS.

 

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Layers

Is it just me, or are the 90 years of paint remnants on the stairs pretty cool looking?

The Organic Generation

At the Domes for the winter farmers market today...apparently you HAVE to have a baby to get in!

Free range coffee, twenty dollar chicken, cruelty-free cookies, stroller envy, gender neutral names, ironic onesies, smart phones taking pictures of other smart phones... the place was packed, bumper to bumper strollers...I had no idea there were so many mini-hipsters in town!

Another Big Improvement

I can't wait to see the new carpet go in! I pulled the trigger on the middle color. The stripes are fabulous and the camel color makes the woodwork look great. It doesn't do much for the dirty yellow walls and mauve trim though!

I'm having it installed in the upstairs hallway, down the stairs to the first floor, through the back door landings and all the way down the basement stairs. It will be a cozy (and clean!) walk from the bathroom to the laundry room when we're out of clean towels on a winter morning.

 

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Dreaming of Spring

The new dinette benches for the trailer are almost done! I can't believe what an amazing job Dad did recreating them from the crumbled, rotting mess that we had to work from as a template.

Now I need to order the table top to go with them, just have to work out the support mechanism (it will convert from table and benches to bed). Can't wait to have morning coffee in the trailer. Viv will have a cozy place to sleep, and all the mechanicals previously (and dangerously) exposed will be nicely concealed.

Now, if only Spring will come...

 

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Regret

 

 

I didn't know he was in Milwaukee. Every year or so for the last ten years, I have googled him but nothing ever came up except the similiarly named professional football player. We had left on tough terms, and I was glad to have the distance both physically and emotionally, but I always wished him well. And I always thought that after some time, and some getting well, we'd be back in touch. We would cross paths, he would pick up the phone, I would reply to the last email. But time went on, and life went on and I was busy and he was not to be found. The last we saw each other was in France, the last communication I was in Portland and he was in Madison. His lack of online presence was not surprising, but it was always a disappointment to find nothing.

Yesterday, in a moment of bored googling, (we've all done it), I put his name in once again. To my shock, it was there. He died two weeks ago. In Milwaukee.

I'm sorry Ryan. I'm sorry I didn't reach out; that I didn't try harder to find you. You were a good friend to me many times when I really needed one. I hope you knew that when I pushed you out it was for your benefit. It was because I loved you and I knew that wasn't enough. I knew I couldn't help you enough and that I was a crutch that harmed you more than helped.

I had always held out hope that the day would come when you were well, and I was independent and we could laugh together again (sarcastically and with lovely obscure cinematic references).

If I had known we had both moved to Milwaukee, I would like to believe I would have called you, that I would have met your wife and bought your art and celebrated your happy life with you. I would have liked to freaked you out with a dirty diaper or two. I would have liked to have seen you well.

I didn't know you were here all the time. I didn't know.

 

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