I'll Just Buy a Dremel and Do It Myself

I had a tooth dream last night. You know the type--one or more of your teeth fall out. They are very real feeling, and leave me feeling distressed when I wake up. The horrors of my dental experience this year elavate the distress. Let me share the saga, in a timeline: November 2007: I call Kaiser Permanante, my health insurance plan/provider to make an appointment for an annual Cleaning. The first opening is in December. And that's only for an initial 'consultation'--no actual cleaning can take place without that first. Ok. December 2007: The day before, I get a voicemail cancelling my appointment because the dentist won't be in. I call to reschedule, the next opening is in February. Ok. February 2008: My consultation appointment reveals one large cavity and one small one. I knew about the large one. Hygenist: "Where is the cavity you said you can feel?" "Um, it's the gaping hole right there" "Oh, yes indeed!". Indeed. Absolutely nothing happens at this appointment--no cavity filling, no Cleaning. They schedule me for two appointments--in March. One of the appointments is to extract the remaining root of a wisdom tooth--that I can't feel, that doesn't bother me and that TWO previous dentists have just left alone. March 2008: The wisdom tooth root is extracted--and in the process, the tooth next to it is CRACKED. Things you never want to hear in a dentist's chair: "Oops" Another hour and half in the chair to repair it and one of the cavities. Two months of chiropractic visits to get my tensed-up back corrected. Still, NO CLEANING. April 2008: The second appointment, for the second cavity. This one actually goes quickly and painlessly--it's a tiny little cavity, didn't even need any novacaine. Hmm, couldn't they have done this during the last visit? Seriously, it took 6 minutes. Nope, no cleaning yet...wait for it... April 2008: I get a voicemail cancelling my cleaning appointment because the hygenist is out sick. I call to reschedule--the next opening is at the end of May, at 7am. May 2008: Woo-hoo! Cleaning day! I get in the chair, at last, before the sun even rises. The verdict? I'll need FOUR appointments to do all the cleaning required because it's been so long since I've been in. My favorite part--"Why haven't you been in sooner?" Really? You really want me to answer that?!?! The hygenist completes part one of the cleaning--a painful scraping with no visible results. I'm scheduled for the next available opening for round 2----in AUGUST. My brain starts a high-pitched squealing here. EEEEEEEEEEEE.