The McMansion on Steriods.

As this subject pertains in a small way to my work, I have to tread lightly here. Let's just say, that for work purposes of the networking/chatting people up nature, I recently attended a local event showcasing the latest in home building and aspirational living. Let's call it SNOT. The grand opening SNOT event was Black Tie. After parking in a rocky, dusty field, we trudged in our Black Tie attire up to an entrance adorned with balloon arches. Next to the balloon arches; porta-potties. Classy. We were attended to by 12 year old ticket takers. Twelve year olds were a dominant feature in this event--as greeters, ticket takers, servers, escorts. Sunburned adolescent girls in too-tight prom dresses seeing to the needs of the so-called movers and shakers of the community, picture it. Jail bait seals many a real estate deal. The designated mingling, drinking and eating area was a gravely, dusty bit of road strewn with food tents and white plastic Walmart tables and chairs. I'm reminded of Walleye Weekend, only fishing enthusiasts don't wear bugle beads. SNOT Opening Gala goers, having dished out $100 per person to attend, were treated to hot-lunch line trays of unidentified asian-esque stirfry and bbq chicken wings. Yum. Next, a self-guided tour of SNOT's Dream Homes. Dream Homes include the following features: -orange-peel wall finishes (walls should hurt when you brush up against them) -top-of-the-line plastic moldings, windowsills, and door frames -hollow-core laminate doors available only at the big box hardware stores -room layouts that make the most of 20 ft ceilings and the least of 5000 square feet -kitchens that take 20 minutes to circumnavigate (by the time you find the sink, your pizza is done!) -Butler's Pantries for the butler you'd never have because it's not pc -a laundry room big enough to house that stray migrate worker family -on the second floor, nylon wall-to-wall carpeting to soften the sounds of your desperate wailing -'wood' laminate flooring in the public areas so visitors know that you really are classy -faux-finished cabinetry throughout -for 1 million more, you can have the faux-Tuscan look complete with wall murals of a place you've never visited because the people don't speak English -three-SUV garages -outstanding examples of both The Roofline Museum and The Window Museum (guaranteed minimum of five varying rooflines and a minimum of eight, count 'em eight!, different window shapes) -swimming pools that you can use four whole a weeks of every year! -a stunning, expansive view of the proof of our progress: power lines -oversized, professional-grade kitchen appliances that say "I could really cook if I knew how". -Master Bedroom Suites featuring a drop-down big screen television set over the bed, complete with thundering surround sound (it's so much easier to ignore a lacking sex life with surround sound) -a matching big-screen 'theater room' to numb the little ones into submission All this for a mere 3 million dollars. My little 500 square feet in the city has never looked better. So glad to be home.